Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Rules of Engagement - The Proper Manners of a Child's Sleepover
Recently my children invited three of their friends over for a sleepover party during their week of spring break. I have been a Mom for 9 years now and understand that with any sleepover comes the normal amount of utter chaos. The family room is in disarray. Pillows, blankets, and sleeping bags become a mine field for you to try to cross without stepping on a 6 year old. Giggling, screaming, yelling, and a general increase in the overall volume of the house, are all to be expected.
However, even with this considerations, I think that most of us can agree there should be some sort of decorum not ONLY of the host family, but of the visiting children as well. Yet, how many of us actually know what the protocol is for a sleepover with five children? To take it a step further, how many CHILDREN know their manners for inviting or being invited to a sleepover? Sleepovers are a perfect way to begin instilling good host/guest manners to children.
First Thing's First: Meeting of the Parents:
I think it is reasonable in this day and age for the parents of the two parties to have met and spent some time together. Although it is easy to justify "I know Pamela from the PTA. She seems like a nice lady." You may not know Pamela's house, her husband, or her two pit bulls that love the taste of children. Make it a polite meeting of introductions or discussions about the children rather than it feeling like an investigation full of questioning with nervous shifty eyes scouring their house. If you are the host family, invite guest parents over and give them a quick tour of your house so they feel more comfortable knowing where their child will be sleeping. Make sure to discuss any allergies or medications, exchange important information (such as phone numbers), and discuss the schedule for the evening.
The Schedule:
No, I have no expectations that you can keep a set schedule with a flock of 9 year old boys at a sleepover. However, there are certain aspects of the evening that should be predetermined. You will want to know whether or not dinner will be served or if the children should eat beforehand. Will snacks be provided? If so, are there any food allergies? Will breakfast be served? What time should the children be picked up in the morning? Whatever time is determined...BE PROMPT. There is nothing worse than leaving a poor host family sitting around waiting in a post-apocalyptic looking house for a family member to come pick up a child after an entire night of chaos.
Be Prepared:
I have previously hosted a sleepover where the child has showed up with her overnight suitcase that literally just had ONE t-shirt in it. I am still trying to determine WHAT the point of the suitcase was??? Do NOT put your child in a situation where they have to ask to borrow clothing, toothpaste, hairbrush, pillows, etc. This teaches the children a poor habit of what is expected of them as a guest and what is expected of a host/hostess. Guests should always be as self-sufficient as possible. It is rude to rely on or expect a host to supplement you lack of planning. Make sure to include their favorite stuffed animal, medications, swim wear (if swimming), pajamas, and extra clothes and undergarments for the next day.
Last Minute Pep Talk:
Hopefully you have instilled good manners in your child (such as "please" and "thank you"). If you haven't, then giving them a last minute "pep talk" will be a futile pursuit as it will have been forgotten approximately 2.9 seconds after entering their house. However, it is always good to remind the children of their manners - "please", "thank you", remind them to help clean off their own dishes after a meal. I have a habit of asking for a "report" on my child from the host family the next morning. My children are well aware of this and I make sure to remind them of it as I drop them off. I also like to (repeatedly) remind them of the host parent's names (Mr. and Mrs. Jones) rather than have my children calling out "Uhhh...Sarah's Mom can you help me?"
If you are kid, part of the fun of a sleepover is from the chaos of "letting loose." Just make sure that both you and your child(ren) practice the basics of good host/guest skills.
However, even with this considerations, I think that most of us can agree there should be some sort of decorum not ONLY of the host family, but of the visiting children as well. Yet, how many of us actually know what the protocol is for a sleepover with five children? To take it a step further, how many CHILDREN know their manners for inviting or being invited to a sleepover? Sleepovers are a perfect way to begin instilling good host/guest manners to children.
First Thing's First: Meeting of the Parents:
I think it is reasonable in this day and age for the parents of the two parties to have met and spent some time together. Although it is easy to justify "I know Pamela from the PTA. She seems like a nice lady." You may not know Pamela's house, her husband, or her two pit bulls that love the taste of children. Make it a polite meeting of introductions or discussions about the children rather than it feeling like an investigation full of questioning with nervous shifty eyes scouring their house. If you are the host family, invite guest parents over and give them a quick tour of your house so they feel more comfortable knowing where their child will be sleeping. Make sure to discuss any allergies or medications, exchange important information (such as phone numbers), and discuss the schedule for the evening.
The Schedule:
No, I have no expectations that you can keep a set schedule with a flock of 9 year old boys at a sleepover. However, there are certain aspects of the evening that should be predetermined. You will want to know whether or not dinner will be served or if the children should eat beforehand. Will snacks be provided? If so, are there any food allergies? Will breakfast be served? What time should the children be picked up in the morning? Whatever time is determined...BE PROMPT. There is nothing worse than leaving a poor host family sitting around waiting in a post-apocalyptic looking house for a family member to come pick up a child after an entire night of chaos.
Be Prepared:
I have previously hosted a sleepover where the child has showed up with her overnight suitcase that literally just had ONE t-shirt in it. I am still trying to determine WHAT the point of the suitcase was??? Do NOT put your child in a situation where they have to ask to borrow clothing, toothpaste, hairbrush, pillows, etc. This teaches the children a poor habit of what is expected of them as a guest and what is expected of a host/hostess. Guests should always be as self-sufficient as possible. It is rude to rely on or expect a host to supplement you lack of planning. Make sure to include their favorite stuffed animal, medications, swim wear (if swimming), pajamas, and extra clothes and undergarments for the next day.
Last Minute Pep Talk:
Hopefully you have instilled good manners in your child (such as "please" and "thank you"). If you haven't, then giving them a last minute "pep talk" will be a futile pursuit as it will have been forgotten approximately 2.9 seconds after entering their house. However, it is always good to remind the children of their manners - "please", "thank you", remind them to help clean off their own dishes after a meal. I have a habit of asking for a "report" on my child from the host family the next morning. My children are well aware of this and I make sure to remind them of it as I drop them off. I also like to (repeatedly) remind them of the host parent's names (Mr. and Mrs. Jones) rather than have my children calling out "Uhhh...Sarah's Mom can you help me?"
If you are kid, part of the fun of a sleepover is from the chaos of "letting loose." Just make sure that both you and your child(ren) practice the basics of good host/guest skills.
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